i do face this kind of prob, most of time.. or can i say every minute? but i'm working out of it, learn to say 'NO' convincingly.
We know that being nice is proper, is a good and is right. But sometimes being nice can hurt, yeah nice means saying YES whenever its asked for us and because we want to preserve our niceness, we say YES even when we don't want to. I dont want to upset other person but in the ends, i'm the one who really upset. Remind me to my housemate, " Say NO sometimes, nodie" , must learn to say it .
i read an article , its said "Six pointers to keep in mind so you can start saying NO", I can summarize it with :
1. Do not be evasive
Basically, hamming , hawing and hesitating ( we get it all the time )will encourages the other person to try and squeeze a YES out of you . They want you to say yes but do you want to?? if No, then say it! Dont hem, haw and don't be a muggle! You may even upset a few of friends, but being evasie is not helping either them or you.
i'm always like that.. sigh..
2. Use Your Body language
If u say NO by shuffling at ur feet and scrutinizing ur fingernails, they could even think that what u want actually want is to say Yes! So, Firstly maintain direct eye contact , keep ur posture erect, and stand tall ( if people 'rendah' how hah? tehehe), speak clearly and pronounce your NO well, be sure ur tone is not whining and voice not quaver, and use the right expressions (confident i think)
confident wif saying No?? oh.. must pratice it.. i think.. but :p
3.Stay Calm And Determined
If people are used u to saying YES all time, they're not goin to understand your sudden change of heart as well as u do. Someone will get hurt, someone will get angry, But what u have to do is stay calm and stay determined.They will come around to getting to know the new you sooner or later, but in meantime, prepare yourself for some harsh repercussions.
sometimes it come out with "okey la.. i do it for you" *bored*
4.No Sometimes Is Better Than Yes
For example, u work in one project, and you were say Yes to new project, what is going to happen to other one? the quality of both will be less than ur usual effort. If you make the other person understand this, they'll be less inclined to insist on your saying Yes.
wanna to explain that to someone, thats part yg susah sometimes *hurm*
5.Equalize not pulverize
The point of learning to say No is not so that u can turn down every request asked u from now on, but so that you're able to ( if u want ). Don't blurt out, how are they to know u hate it because u didn't say anything's in the past. Just because u've found the strength to say No doesn't mean you can snub everyone's request without due consideration.
ishk.. x kan la.. if i willing to do and enjoy.. i do la.. certain things only..
6.Don't Feel Bad
If you feel bad about u saying No, u cannot hide it no matter what ur body language says. Your aura implies that you're saying No for the sake of saying it , you're not being completely straight and the other person cannot figure it out. The first things pops to their mind is not " He's very self-assured " but "She's just being selfish" isn't that a shame??
means like this ker? "owh i really sorry cause i can't do that" .. x paham..
And The 3Rs of No-nos
Rephrase your No over and over again if the other person does not want to accept it the first time.You must be firm, and you must be persistent.
wah.. how hah??
Refuse to be intimidated by below the belt persuasive strategies. These might include putting you on a guilt trip or using emotional pressure to get Yes.
owh always. emotional thing.. sometimes i loose..
Really be happy about saying No, or you will confuse your audience. You must be comfortable with saying No to say it effectively.
its again and again will play wif your confident things. i got it ker? ahaha
so thats the tips, how you can face this kind of problem.. and i hope i can learn to say No convincingly.